My apologies for my hiatus. I am finally out of Surrey and living in East Vancouver, the lesbian capitol of GVR. I’ve only been here two days and am already loving the convenience.

Last night, I went for a walk and watched part of a Mabel League fastpitch game. The game was entirely one sided and not very interesting, so I walked home and did some laundry. Had I come from Surrey to watch the game, I would have felt obligated to watch the merry-go-round, three up/three down pattern evident after only a few innings.

Today, my commute to work is going to be less than half of what it once was. Gives me an extra hour before work to try and be productive. I say try because working closing shifts seems to manage to waste away the entire day, despite not starting work until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Am I the only one?

Anyway. I’ve decided not to have internet at home for the summer. Partially due to the fact I won’t be home often enough to warrant it, and also in order to take advantage of student packages in the fall. So I’ll be updating my blog courtesy of my Blackberry, which is, at the very least, able to keep me up to speed with Facebook and MSN.

Hope you’re all doing well, and I’ll be sure to blog again shortly now that I’m all situated.

I’ve been watching a few videos on YouTube lately pertaining to being out at work.  I’m fortunate enough to work at one of the flagship gay stores in Vancouver, so my being out has never been an issue.  If anything, my lack of interest in men makes our predominantly male customers more comfortable.  Despite my lack of male-ness, we can bond over our gayness, you know? 

But these videos have really got me thinking what it would be like to not be able to be out at work.  I’m going back to school in September and once I graduate, I’ll be working in a much more “professional” environment.  Such an environment where being out may pose a problem.  As of right now, I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to deal with it.  Should the topic of relationships or dating ever come up, as I’m sure it will, it would be difficult to address my girlfriend (should I have one at the time) as my “partner.”  To me, “partner” sounds so.. corporate. 

I don’t know, I guess time will tell.  For now, I will enjoy my “token lesbian” status at work, talk openly about the cute girl I saw on Commercial, and worry about the future later.

And thank you for taking interest in my little corner of the Internet.  I’ve still got a lot to do before I’m entirely happy with the site, but I’m a perfectionist and may never be entirely satisfied with it.  Figured I might as well get it launched and start blogging, and I’ll worry about fine tuning as I go. 

For those of you who have stumbled here randomly, hello!  For those of you who find yourselves here perhaps due to a little persuasion on my end, thanks for your support!  I plan to use this space to write about the trials and tribulations involved in my coming out process.  I say process in that coming out is not simply an event, but rather something that happens again and again.  I’m writing about my experiences not only for self reflection purposes, but also to help others who have found themselves in similar situations. 

If you have any questions, feel free to address them anonymously on my Formspring, or e-mail me directly at shauna@bigbeautifulfemme.com.

I’m always asked about my moment.  Apparently we’re all supposed to have one of these moments.  A moment of realization where the clouds part and the years of internal struggle all of a sudden make sense.  I never had one of these moments.  Rather, my realization came in the form of a transition.  Gradual, calculated, methodical.  This is the story of my life.